Decisions, Decisions...

Okay, so I'm just going to put it out there: I suck at making decisions.  Seriously, like, what is wrong with me?!?!  On New Year's Eve I went shopping with my boyfriend's mom for, what else?, champagne.  I couldn't decide on what champagne to get.  Granted, I know as much about types of champagne as I know about separating subatomic particles but, still... what the heck!  His mom even called me out on it:

His mom: You're not very good at making decisions, are you?

Me: *shakes head* Nope.

His mom: *chuckling* I can tell.

...Thanks... :'(

*Note: There are no hard feelings.*

I feel like decisions have always been an issue for me but recently I feel like it's gotten worse.  It goes deeper than just deciding on champagne.  Recently, I had to decide on what classes to drop this semester.  I registered for 19 credits.  Yes... really... 19 credits, knowing I would drop at least 2 of the classes.  (Not to mention I only actually need 5 more credits to graduate.)  So, you can imagine my dilemma: a girl who can't decide on a bottle of champagne deciding on what classes (none of which are required) to keep for the next 15 weeks of her life.  Ugh, the agony.  Luckily, I finally came to a decision that I am perfectly content with, and dropped 3 classes (one was a 1-credit seminar) I wasn't in love with.  Now I would like to dedicate this post to sharing with you all 5 things I have learned from my decision-making dilemmas:
 

1.) Don't make a pros and cons list.  I feel like a lot of people think it's smart to make a pros and cons list.  What should you do when you make a decision?  Make a pros and cons list!  However, to me, and in my experiences, it only makes it worse.  I even read in Cosmo once to ditch the idea of the pros and cons list.  (Not that I take everything I read in Cosmo and apply it to my own life, but this made sense to me.)  Sometimes, there are way more positives for one choice over the other.  Still, we want to make the other choice.  (Does this make sense?)  As an example, for the decision I made between two of the classes this semester my lists would have been like:

Class A:

Pros: Great professor (had her before), Material I'm familiar with (in my major), People I know (in my major), Meets only one day a week

Cons: A lot of work (research papers), Meets at a weird time

Class B:

Pros: Course seems interesting and applicable to life, Less work

Cons: Early morning class, People I don't know, Material I've never learned about

So, for Class A I had a 4:2 ratio of pros to cons, meanwhile Class B I had a 2:3 ratio.  Based on this pros and cons list I should have gone with Class A, but I didn't.  I actually chose Class B.  The idea of a class applicable to life, and less work (let's face it, I'm a senior and I don't actually need either class...) outweighed everything else.  Basically, what I've learned is not to shame myself by making a pros and cons list.  And for you: you probably already know what you want your decision to be, so by doing this to yourself you run the risk of feeling guilty about a decision you're already totally content with.  Got it?

2.) Think of your future.  I think this advice is especially helpful when you're making a big decision, like where to go to college, or what job to take.  Think to yourself, "If I go to this college, where will I be in a year, or 2, or 5...?"  Then think to yourself, "Where do I want to be in a year, or 2, or 5...?"  If both of your answers seem compatible, then go with your decision.  However, if both of your answers don't align, maybe it's time to look at Plan B...

*Personal Story: Like many, back in high school I applied to colleges at the beginning of my Senior year.  I actually applied as an Education major... I wanted nothing more than to be a History teacher.  As acceptance letters started rolling in from various schools I found myself thinking... "Really?  A History teacher?" and "Really?  So far from home?"  I couldn't see myself as a teacher for the rest of my life anymore.  Also, I couldn't see myself being so far away from my family, who I'm extremely close to.  So, that's when I decided not to go to school for teaching and to stay at a school closer to home.  Now I'm about to graduate from college in a field I had never thought of back in high school, and I'm very happy with my decision, all because I took a moment to think about my future and where I wanted to be.*

3.) Don't give yourself more options than you need to.  Like most of us, it's better for me when I have to choose between A and B, than when I have to choose between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, especially when C through G weren't even a part of the decision in the first place.  (Does this make sense?)  For example, if I was applying to schools now I would only apply to maybe 3 or 4 of the colleges I really liked... not the 3 or 4 I really liked then 3 more "just because."  Seriously, it complicates the decision.  Even if I applied to the last three colleges "just because," with no intentions of actually going there, if I got into them on top of my other 3 schools they are all of a sudden a part of my final decision, whether I want them to be or not.  Ultimately, they just serve as a complication to the whole process.

In a simpler example: Think about if you're shopping for a shirt and find 2 shirts that are absolutely adorable.  However, you only have enough money for one.  When you're deciding between the two, you all of a sudden decide to pick a shirt off the rack you think is "kinda cute," too.  Just stick with the originals, and save your time.

4.) Make the decision for you.  Easier said than done sometimes, but, really, this is your life.  Going back to #2 and seeing your future in a year or two or 5... if you really can't see yourself anywhere else in two years than in California going to film school - then go.  Even if your mom is making you feel guilty because you won't be home for Thanksgiving, or your boyfriend's upset because he's staying home to go to school and he won't see you as much.  Sometimes you need to be a little selfish in your decisions because, ultimately, if you aren't happy in your decision nobody gets the best of you - and anyone who truly loves you will support you, even if it hurts them at first.

5.) Be confident!!!!!  Don't be afraid to make a decision, because not making a decision isn't good either.  Part of my problem with picking my classes for this semester was I was afraid if I dropped a certain class I would miss out on something really cool in that class.  The truth is, I will miss out on something really cool in all of the classes I dropped.  However, because I dropped my one class I'm now in another one where I'm learning really cool things and meeting new people.  That's something I wouldn't have experienced had I kept my other class.

So, in the end, I would say you can't have everything all the time.  Unfortunately, you can't go to every college on your wish list, or be in every class that meets at the same time.  So, when you make a decision, make it, and don't look back. 

Sometimes, decisions will lead you where you wish you hadn't gone - but all of the time the decisions you make will take you down a path you wouldn't have traveled had you chosen something else.

Now I ask you: Are you bad at making decisions, too?  How do you make a decision and know it's the right one for you?

xoxo

8 Reasons Why I'm PRO On-Line Dating

 

1.) There's no guessing game.

If you go to a site like match.com you know others on that site are looking for a relationship, just like you.  There's no wondering about a cutie's relationship status (single, not looking, committed, married with no ring?) when they have a profile set-up explicitly to meet other people.  That is, unlike when you're at a bar, club, or other social gathering, and you see a cutie who sparks your attention but they're with someone else...

You: "Is he with her?"

Your friend: "No, no, no, I don't think so."

(5 minutes later)

Your friend: "Well... maybe?  I can't tell."

This way, you end up spending the whole night investigating when on-line dating clears this up for you in less than 5 seconds.

2.) Less grooming.

 Let's face it, to go out in the "real world" (i.e., clubs with various clusters of friends standing, and occasionally dancing, next to each other) you have to look "good."  Who wants to meet the love of their life wearing a sweat-stained t-shirt and pajama bottoms?  However, in the virtual world of on-line dating, no one cares what you look like at home on a Friday night (so long as you're not video chatting & the pictures on your profile are cute).  So, put on your sweatpants, pull back your hair, grab a bag of Cheetos and your laptop... it's time to flirt!

3.) Less time. 

In terms of grooming, it takes time to get ready.  Three hours spent doing hair, make-up, and picking out the perfect outfit for two hours of socializing, what gives?  In terms of meeting someone, it takes time to really get to know them.  At least with an on-line dating service, or chatting with someone on Facebook, gives you a clue as to whether or not you feel you could be compatible with them...

John's Profile: "I'm definitely a morning person with a serious love for the outdoors and mountain climbing."

-vs.-

Your Profile: "I hate the Sun and I'm afraid of heights."  

In terms of relationship status, at least when you approach someone in the on-line dating world there is an implied expectation that you actually want to date this person.  In the "real world," if you approach someone at the bar, club, or just about anywhere else, there's a chance they could think you just want to talk.  Maybe they'll think you're just being friendly.  Maybe they won't find you attractive at all or won't even be looking for a relationship.  That, my friend, is time wasted and on-line dating avoids this.

4.) Less money.

 This one is kind of simple: It costs money to buy new outfits.  It costs money to pay the cover at the club.  It costs money to pay for drinks.  It costs money to put gas in your car to get to the club.  You get it.  Most on-line dating websites are free, at least for a basic member profile, not to mention Facebook, craigslist, and other similar sites are also free.  Now, of course you could argue the Internet costs so much money a month, but... really?

5.) Lowered inhibitions. 

Yes, of course you could go to the bar and consume a lot of alcohol, because that will lower your inhibitions as well.  However, getting drunk will also leave you broke and sick the next morning.  Not to mention being drunk may not be the best first impression, and could impair your ability to remember to ask for a phone number... or some way of contacting each other when you're sober.  With that said, on-line you may feel a little more *devilish.*  What do you have to lose by expressing interest on-line to someone you would never, in a million years, approach in a physical setting?  You'll be the only one who knows if they show the same interest back.  Not to mention when you actually start talking to someone, and e-mailing or chatting with them, you can filter your thoughts easily on-line.  There are your friends: the backspace and delete buttons, and a reason why e-mails don't send automatically when you're in the middle of writing them.  Your inhibitions will be lowered when you know you can control how much you tell and how you tell the other person about yourself (including remaining anonymous for a while).

6.) Multi-tasking is okay.

When you meet and talk to someone at the bar, do you want them to have their attention on you or have their eyes feverishly scanning the entire room?  Most likely you want to have their full attention (or at least as full as it can get in a noisy, crowded place).  On-line, you can talk to Bob.  You can even talk to Bob and Dylan at the same time.  You can even talk to Bob, Dylan, Mark, Raymond, and Chris, and have another window up where you are perusing through other potential suitors' profiles.  No shame!

7.) Meeting someone on-line keeps you on your toes.

Okay, so now I'm not going to poke fun at the prospect of meeting someone for the first time, someone you met on-line, and not taking it seriously.  You should, because, really, you need to make sure you're safe.  However, I will say that everyone I know who has ever met anyone on-line and met up with them in person has thought the person they were meeting was going to be a serial killer.  There's something about meeting someone in the physical world when you've only interacted in a virtual one that's risky.  This person could be anybody.  Even if they've sent you pictures, or you talked on the phone with them, you still wonder: "Who are they?  What are they going to be like in person?"  It's exciting, thrilling even, as the anticipation has been building for weeks (maybe only a few days) about this person.  You hope they're good.  Gosh, you hope they're really good!  But, please, like I said, make sure you're safe.  If something doesn't feel right, don't go; if everything feels right, go, but let somebody know where you're going, who you're meeting, and don't forget your cell phone!  And remember: This person could be anybody, so they could be the love of your life.

8.) I have found love.

 Yes, this is true.  I met Tom on-line, and nearly three years into our relationship, in more love now than ever, I would say... "it worked." ;)

So, to wrap this all up I just want to say I am pro on-line dating, but I am not anti "real world" dating (i.e., asking someone you meet to go on a date, blind dates, set-ups...).  I think anyone who truly wants to find someone should open themselves up to a number of avenues where their other half could be.  However, I wanted to write this post because I feel there is a lot of negativity surrounding on-line dating.  Mostly, I hear a lot of people thinking it's their last resort.  I am here to tell those people it is not your last resort, but it is merely another avenue for you to take in finding love.  I see too many people I know who want a committed relationship, they want their fairytale, yet they go to the same places with the same people every weekend.  I'm not saying one weekend their other half could end up at that same place.  However, I am saying increasing the number of avenues they take in finding their other half will increase their odds.

So, in conclusion, just one more thing:  Open yourself up, and you will find love.

~Hugs & Besos~